I miss my friends
It is moments like this that I really miss having someone by my side. To share a bench and the sky.
It is not to say that I do not have people in my life. I love my family. I love my friends. They love me too. But ultimately we live our own lives.
I always considered life to be a lonely voyage through the dark endless oceans. Very occasionally, you encounter other boats. You ride through the waves together for a little. You exchange resources. If everything goes well you invite them to your boat for dinner.
But eventually, you return to your own boats. You drift apart and all you can say to each other is, ‘til next time.
Physical distance means that it is difficult for me to have shared expereinces with my friends. Death occured in my friend’s family and all I could bloody do was reading fking lifeless texts on a little screen.
I can only take up that much time in my friends’ lives. Am I important? Perhaps. Am I urgent? Absolutely not. I think this is genrally true for grown-ups. But distance greatly exacerbates the problem.
I miss knowing that next to me is a person who sees me, values me, supports me, and has my best interest in mind.
I miss trusting a person, without needing to reason with and convince myself.
I miss the safety and serenity such trust brings.
I miss the version of me when I am with such person.
I miss being physically close with such person.
Eh, perhaps a little too much to ask for.